Retrospective
Saturday, December 20, 2008 @ 11:35 pm.
All through my life, I've never actually been the same as everyone else.
Same being nothing to take note of, and to be worried about.
When I first entered MGS in Primary 1, I cried for three days straight.
I remember that in Primary 4, most of the people in class hated me.
In Primary 5, I was told that many people in my class found me "eccentric". I looked that word up in IT Club that afternoon.
In Primary 6, my best friend apologised for teasing me in Primary 4, and I didn't even remember her teasing me. I did remember other people though.
The nurses at the annual health checkup are going to be on alert for me next year, for reasons that may be obvious to some but that I choose to keep from revealing on the Internet.
My father has often called me insane.
My mother often remarks that there must be something wrong with me.
I've fretted over mental (and physical) disorders, and I still do.
I look back on the things I have done, even the littlest things and I have to cover my ears or plant my face into the pillow to stop myself from remembering them.
I feel so overwhelmed by guilt that Ihave to say sorry into the air even when no one is there.Maybe I just have to accept that I will never be normal.
Or that I am and I just can't see that.
Or that no one is normal.
Normal being a wide range of... normality.