I have an ego the size of a pumpkin.
Thursday, January 22, 2009 @ 10:13 pm.
And right now it's causing almost every single problem I have in my life. Even posture. On Wednesday they [left vague] were pointing out the problems in everyone's posture and things like that and get this, I could tie every single one to a clear and obvious reason.
I tend to tear a lot, as in, probably twenty times more than I actually cry, and that's saying a lot. Like yawning. Or... other things. But lately it's been happening, well, once a day... twice a day and I keep feeling like I'm getting closer and closer to a breakdown.
I just feel so useless.
When we were doing the Fei Yue things today, I was talking with an elderly woman:
[这里的]学生和老师都很好；都有很多
爱心。
---
Every day when I walk along the corridor outside my class and I happen to look down on the quadrangle, I suddenly have this feeling that if I leaped down from the railing, right at that moment, I would just land unharmed, and it would feel pretty good.
I didn't feel that way today. During Assembly, before I had to go meet everyone at the canteen, I looked down at all the people standing on the steps and things like that, and thought that if I leaped down from the railing, right at that moment, I would be crushed, all over the steps, and I would be dead.